I would like to read this to someone in the future

I am quitting this thing, but not what you think.  I am not going away.

I will give you this, my love, and I will not bargain or barter any longer.  I will love you, as sure as He has loved me.  I will discover what I can discover and though you remain a mystery, save God's own knowledge, what I disclose of you I will keep in the warmest chamber of my heart, the very chamber where God has stowed Himself in me.  And I will do this to my death, and to death it may bring.

I will love you like God, because of God, mighted by the power of God.  I will stop expecting your love, demanding your love, trading for your love, gaming for your love.  I will simply love.  I am giving myself to you, and tomorrow I will do it again.  I suppose the clock itself will wear thin its time before I am ended at this altar of dying and dying again.

God risked Himself on me.  I will risk myself on you.  And together, we will learn to love, and perhaps then, and only then, understand this gravity that drew Him, unto us.

Thoughts for the seniors

One of my crowning achievements in life is a C- in college.  No joke.  I’ve dated a beauty pageant.  I was the scholar athlete of my high school class.  I’ve won races and been part of championship teams.  I’ve competed on college level triathlon and cycling teams.  I’ve held a highly sought after job.  I’ve had the opportunity to travel around the world.  But that C- ranks up there with them.

It was my junior year at UCSB and the class was Organic Chemistry.  I’ve never been good at chemistry.  In fact, all I remember from high school is trying really hard, getting mediocre grades, not understanding anything, and flirting (or trying to)with the girl that sat next to me.   I just don’t have the ability to do chemistry, concepts never stuck in my head like other subjects, and for the most part, I could never see the patterns in logic.  Chemistry just seems like a mystery to me.

Going into organic chemistry I knew it was going to be difficult, like a one legged cat trying to bury a turd on a frozen pond difficult.  So I planned.  I decided I needed to study an hour a day in between classes, and an extra hour on Saturday before I slept.  I went to every office hours I could attend to.  At the end of the quarter, I remember checking online for my final grade.  Scrolling down to find the class, then scanning to the right, double checking, no, quadruple checking, only then to throw both fists into the air at the all but silent library.  “Yes! C-!”

It felt so good.

It felt so good because I tried my best.  I could not have gotten a better grade than that C-.  It bothered me though – that it took me so long to understand this phenomenon, that success/satisfaction can be derived by one’s effort level.  That there is a level of peace in trying one best and being ok with the results.  I hope you see the implications as this can be applied to other areas of life: vocationally, relationally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  To be honest, I think I’ve learned more from cross-country than I have in the classroom, but I digress.

So that brings me to you.  For some of you seniors, this might be your last cross-country race.  You have a special opportunity in front of you.  You get to try your best, not you must try your best.  But in no way is this easy.

Trying one’s best is an exercise in bravery or being fearless.  Think about it.  Imagine asking a girl out to prom and you give a soft lob (“so what’s your thoughts of possibly going” via fb chat) vs. going all out (in person, eye contact, flowers, the whole shebang).  If in both situations she rejects you, which would hurt more?  But you see, the world isn’t in need of more soft lobs, or mediocres, or just gets by.  The world needs more crazy, more go for broke, more Leanders (google “Leander Greek myth”).

Lastly, know of the security that you have.  Your team and your coaches will always be proud of you.  There is nothing you can do that would make me disappointed in you.

Have fun and try your best.

August prayer letter

Timothy's Times
August 29th
A student recently asked about my accomplishments, referring to my high school track career. I began to list them off, event times and placements at competitions. The student quickly noted the lack of enthusiasm in my voice as she was amazed at my marks. Then words came out of my mouth, and even I was shocked by my response, “I guess the joy of knowing God and starting movements makes those seem like nothing.” Praise the Lord for His hand in everything, as it wasn't my intention to say such, but it was that very phrase that transitioned us towards a spiritual conversation. In reflection, and by God's grace, that statement is true for me, the joy of knowing God and the joy of witnessing people grow and come to know Him as well, paints my life. I am most proud and thankful for the opportunities to start/grow spiritual movements through Epic at UC Santa Barbara, UC Davis, UC Riverside, University of Hawaii, and Ege University (Izmir, Turkey).

Every once in a while, I'll get updates on how these campuses are doing. The news warms my heart, knowing that I've left a legacy for Christ that continues to this day. For those who have supported my before during my intern years, I thank you for your partnership as it was you who allowed me to do such amazing things. For those who are new to my team, I look forward to telling you more stories of God working on college campuses such as what these two photos explain: the photo above was taken my freshmen year in 2004 (there was no need to use a wide angle lens) – when we started an Epic Movement at UCSB. The photo below is a recent photo (2013) of a large group Epic meeting at UCSB. This year will mark 10 years of growth, and numerous Asian-American students who have been won, built, and sent for Christ! Please pray for God to raise my support so that I can report to campus so I can launch more movements and share more photos such as these.

Tim Jang
Timothy.Jang@cru.org / (562) 519-3154 / 16307 Spring Park Lane, Cerritos, CA 90703

I love the laughter of this night

Our footsteps run, and I don't want them to end.
I want to run
and laugh and feel like this forever.
I want to avoid any awkward moments when the realness of reality sticks its fork into our flesh,
leaving us standing there,
together.
I want to stay here, in this moment,
and never go to other places,
where we don't know what to say or what to do

For now, just let us run.

We run straight through the laughter of the night.

Loco Moco Lunch Time

Loco Moco Lunch Time

The bright sun through the window

The cool air conditioning

after a hard workout

of rapid climb, it is

Loco Moco Lunch Time!

The warmth of a plate lunch

eggs, gravy, meat, and rice

so good it should be considered

payment for war crimes

Loco Moco Lunch Time!

A man approaches

grizzled and unkempt

homeless and hopeless

and fear in his eyes

“could you spare a dime?”

“of course you can!” because it is

Loco Moco Lunch Time!

“I haven't seen a smile in a while”

the man explains breaking eye contact,

“and you're a man of the Good Book?”

“Yes sir—have it in my backpack in fact.”

“Then can you explain how I can be eternally sublime!”

“Yes, yes, I can because right now, it is

Loco Moco Lunch Time!”

Dear WXC parent

Dear parent,

First and foremost, thank you for your support of Whitney Cross-Country by allowing your child to participate. I write to assure you of your child's safety, and that their decision to run and compete as a good decision, as it is one of the best investments of their time in high school.

Regarding safety, the coaches are trained in CPR and first aid. As both were former athletes, they are aware of the common issues, such as overheating and shin splints, that come alongside distance running, and are educated to treat such as well. On runs, athletes are within eyesight of a coach, and a cell phone is always nearby.

The adult obesity attributable medical expenditures in our nation, per year, has been estimated to be over 75 billion dollars. Typically speaking, the physical health decisions and habits made in high school will carry on towards adulthood. By participating in Cross-Country, not only are these athletes experiencing the health benefits currently, but probably for the rest of their lives as well. Just to name a few benefits, your child will experience better weight management, cardio and cholesterol health, bone density, attention span/focus, and sleep rhythms.

Knowing that education and preparation for your child's next step in life is a big value of yours – your child's participation in Cross-Country is not in opposition to such, but rather it is complimentary. With colleges becoming more and more impacted, and acceptance rates at an all time low, extra-curricular activity is becoming more and more important.  More importantly, their time spent practicing and competing is an educational experience on important life skills that cannot be taught in the classroom. This includes and is not limited to: teamwork and leadership, social skills, growth in self-esteem and confidence, diligence and determination, time management, physical health issues, and courage.

Recently I was brought to tears reading about the Boston Marathon bombings. Certainly the deaths of 3 individuals was gripping, but what moved me the most was the stories of those who helped – the dozens of individuals who ran towards the explosion to move rubble and aid those who were bleeding out. These laymen, soldiers, and paramedics undoubtedly saved lives. It is easy to see courage in physical, life or death situations, but I've come to the conclusion that real courage occurs in our everyday life all the time. Everyday there are figurative explosions that go off. It takes courage to speak the truth or to have loving actions or to put in hard work. Courage is an essential skill in all stages in life, and what is severely lacking in this world.

Character traits do not occur appear all of a sudden. Sure, certain individuals start at a different point, but character is ultimately developed. So that raises the question, “how do we become more courageous?” Individuals become more courageous through practice, by making daily decisions to step into fear, and through faith in their abilities, make a courageous action. Distance running is the most gutsy sport around. The fear of the starting line and pistol. The mental battle during a competition – where a voice always seems to say, “you can't do it,” or “just give up.” Not to mention the daily workouts, where just hearing the workout is anxiety inducing, let alone making a conscious decision to do the workout.

These experiences builds character like none other. To have faith in their abilities in light of potential failure, and then to take that faith and really hold on to it, which leads to courageous action.

Thank you for allowing your child to participate in Whitney's Cross-Country program – it is a good decision and a great investment of their time.

Sincerely,

On Brakes and Ministry

You can watch a video of what I am referring to here: http://youtu.be/lt8wBfqc32A

Part 1

Recently, a good friend named Aaron, asked me to help him with his brakes on his car. It is a simple job, and it is something I've done before on other cars. We were to change the brake pads on both front calipers and bleed the brake lines while we were at it. All together, the job should have taken us two hours at the most. This day, however, was very much like Homer's Odyssey or Harold and Kumar goes to White Castle – anything that could go wrong, went wrong. But in the end, we were able to accomplish everything that we set out to do, and to call the moment when we sat in the car, accelerated, then stopped smoothly without fault, satisfying, is an understatement. We started around 9:30. We finished around 5:30.

It was a memorable day. Both of us had somewhat clear schedules, there was the sense of adventure, and there is something bonding about guys working together to fix something, especially a car. I think God wired men to be this way – to be a problem solver. Thinking back upon the dating relationships that I've been in, wearing the “problem solver hat” usually made for interesting interactions. I've come to the conclusion that knowing when to wear the “problem solver hat” is really important. Is she looking for an answer to her situation? Or is she just looking to be understood on a deeper level? Usually it is the latter. My default is to do the first. God has a great sense of humor.

Moreover, on the grandest scheme, God has asked his creation to wear the “problem solver hat”. Just like how that day was a powerful bonding experience with Aaron, participating in the Great Commission follows in the same suit. Don't get me wrong, quite times and devotionals are critical, but at least from what I've experienced, nothing connects me closer to God and nothing has brought me greater joy than participating in ministry.

The problem is sin. The answer is the gospel. I get to participate with God on the grandest adventure, to play a role in fixing what is broken.

Part 2

Another observation that I made that day was an interesting dynamic in problem solving. In our situation, the front left caliper's piston was extended out too far so that we couldn't get in back on the disk. This problem set us back a couple hours. What was most interesting was the way in which Aaron and myself approached the problem, for the longest time we thought of it as a unilateral issue – that there is one thing wrong. This way of thinking led us down many dead ends, and certainly some frustrations too. In analogy we saw the problem with the brakes like this:

6 + x = 10

We would solve for x over and over again, and double and triple check out work. We would swear we were right (that we were not putting enough force on the piston to overcome the fluid in the brake lines), but the piston would not recede to the position we needed it to be at. Hours would pass, and through intellectual flexibility we came to the conclusion that we had the correct solution – but we were solving the wrong problem. In our situation, the solution involved two variables, so our situation was more like this:

6 + x + 2y = 10

In our brake situation, the solution was our piston was misaligned and we were not putting enough force on it. We tried those solutions independently, but it required both for us to get the desired results. In the end it took our intellectual flexibility to see the possibility that the solution might incorporate more than one dynamic. From my observations, ministry behaves in the same way. We institute one thing, such as weekly prayer meetings, and expect results. In our intellectual flexibility we need to properly assess the situation and see that loving well is complex, dynamic, and has several levels.

Part 3

Another dynamic found in our time working on the car was our dynamic determination. Dynamic determination, in my own words, is simply the capacity to continue and not give up in light of difficulty, set backs, and/or problems. As you can imagine, both dynamic determination and intellectual flexibility are woven together in most situations and usually, both are required for problem solving. Just our dynamic determination to keep on pushing on the brake piston alone was not enough to solve our issue – and even led to a level of frustration. We needed to keep on pushing (dynamic determination) and realign the piston (intellectual flexibility). I wonder how many churches and ministries have given up and stuck with the status quo because of the lack of integrating both determination and flexibility. Metaphorically speaking, they push and don't realign, or realign and don't push, and then over time they give up on both realigning and pushing altogether and look for another answer (which actually isn't the answer at all).

Our situation with the brake involved lots of dynamic determination. For hours we pressed and pressed on the piston, hoping that it would go back into the caliper. Our determination, however, was actually dictated by the situation. Aaron's car was at my house. Without our problem solved, the car is not drivable (no brakes!). Therefore, Aaron is stranded here. To be honest, I was scared for a good moment of time. What happens if we can't fix this? How would Aaron explain this to his parents? What happens if we need to just buy an expensive new part? Our backs were against the wall. There was no other option: we need to fix the brake and we can't stop working until it is done.

I believe that this attitude and situation carries over to our participation in ministry. There is no other option: we need to love and we can't stop loving until the Great Commission is done or till were dead. I know that sounds harsh, but really, what else is there to do or endeavor in our lives? Money, fame, comfort – in light of death is meaningless. I guess where I'm going is this: we can gain a source of motivation by just assessing our situation, yes, your calling is difficult, but what else is there to do outside of your calling?

Conclusion

Participating in the Great Commission is a privilege, honor, and a great source of joy as it bonds us to our true source of joy, God, in a special way. We don't earn special favor in our participation, for we are saved by grace, but many are missing out on joy, and that is unfortunate. Loving people well is a complex and multilateral. What works for one situation may not work for the next, thus we need to be intellectually flexible. To be able to assess the situation fully and to be constantly asking God for wisdom in every step of ministry. Dynamic Determination is woven together with intellectual flexibility and both are to be stewarded in unison. Ministry can be difficult at times, but quitting is not an option, for there is nothing else worthy of my time.